To greener pastures!

I just want to say:

Sun, 12 May 2013 12:10:00 -0400

Hey, this weekend?

Go fuck yourself.

HOT DIGGETY SKUNK FUCK

Wed, 24 Apr 2013 19:42:11 -0400

So, this past semester was a good one. I felt really great about my work, I felt great about where I was going. EVERYTHING WAS SO GREAT.

Ok, not everything. I had a temporary drinking problem, akin to the tune of getting wasted every single weekend, and pissing myself at least four times.

To those that read this, do not get wasted off of beer if you are a person that gives 0 fucks when you’re drunk. Your brain will make you piss yourself, and if you live with your roommate, he will question why you flipped the mattress in the middle of the night.

Anyway, while I was feeling great professionally, I was feeling slightly miserable as a human being, and it got progressively worse. This is probably due to the fact that I developed a crush, and whenever I develop a crush on someone, I treat them as if they were Zeus, and I pretend I don’t want to sleep with them.

So, as we hit the end of the term, I felt great as an actor, but I felt lacking as a human being. I mean, I fell off the wagon socially, and I really just felt alienated from everyone. Wasn’t my old self, etc. etc. etc.

So I went home, had an alright time. Some people totally flaked on me and pissed me right the fuck off. I DONT MEAN THE TWO OF YOU THAT READ THIS, FUCK YOU. I LOVE YOU. But it was a lot of bullshit, and it made me really mad.

But beyond that, I was feeling better. Nothing had changed, there was no great epiphany when I got home, and there was really no huge epiphany when I returned to New York. The biggest change is that is wasn’t winter anymore.

Now, I just randomly feel rejuvenated, and I intend to ask the lady who I’m interested out for a bacon extravaganza date.

I think I suffer from seasonal depression. Because I think back to the times I’ve been at my most depressed these past 6 years, AND IT’S ALWAYS IN THE FUCKING MONTHS OF JANUARY, FEBRUARY, AND MARCH.

FUCK YOU WINTER.

YOU RUIN MY BALLS.

I WILL TERMINATE YOU WITH MY CAPS LOCK.

When I type in caps, I don’t actually hit the caps lock button, I HOLD THE SHIFT KEY WITH MY PINKY FINGER.

Photo

Sat, 13 Apr 2013 13:17:45 -0400

REMEMBER ME????

Sun, 07 Apr 2013 18:15:00 -0400

It’s been ages since I’ve posted anything sort of grandish on my Tumblr, so I feel in the interest of all two of you that read this, it would be best for me to rant about all sorts of bullshit swimming around in my brain.

So, seeing as this term has lacked all semblance of me ranting about classes, it’s about time to get shit up to speed, because this term has been lightyears beyond the last one, and it is completely lacking in any sort of faggotry.

I have really enjoyed this term. In terms of my school work, I feel absolutely stress free. My instructors are all very clear in their feedback, they make sense, and I don’t feel a flash of rage swarm over me whenever they speak. Except for my singing class, but that has more to do with the pianist than it does the teacher.

The people in my section are great as well. They’re a heavy stoner crowd, however, and their humor differs so much more than my previous section. I was universally loved in my previous section, and now I just sort of feel on par with everyone else. It’s rather nice, except I haven’t been funny in weeks. It’s really tragic, I feel like the defining trait of my being is just totally not coming out at all.

To make matters worse, I’ve fallen for someone in my section, and whenever I fall for anyone, it’s essentially blacklisting them from my normal behavior. I still just plain don’t understand how to hold affection for another human being without treating them so differently that they become put off by me. It’s the most fucking frustrating thing in the world, and I’m pretty much always at a loss for how to fix it.

To make matters worse for my stress, my mother is potentially on the chopping block for her job, simply because the shitty fucking administration she works for will do everything they can to save their shitty souls from losing their jobs, and they’re reworking their entire infrastructure. A lot of people are at risk for losing their jobs at Owens, except the administration, of course. And if my mother loses her job, I have no hope of getting anything resembling a loan for the 2nd year of classes at AADA. DREAM DEFERRED, YEA!!!

I’ve just been stressed to the point where I feel like something fundamental has vanished from my personality, and that’s what used to be my wit. I used to be funny, and now I’m just kind of the weird guy that says stupid shit again. I JUST NEED TO GET HOME FOR A FEW DAYS AND JAISWEJIASJFAKLJGBIJREISDRCG.

While looking back at this, I realize that there really isn’t that much bullshit swimming around in this post, so I feel obligated to add more into this, challfont.

Except I can’t think of anything.

God dammit.

Fuck this noise.

I’m going to write a song for the banjo.

Then set it on fire.

Anyone who reblogs this post by March 23rd will have their url written on some paper and placed somewhere in New York City.

Wed, 20 Mar 2013 08:35:44 -0400

ggivemetherapyy:

I promise every single one of you.

I’m serious

memorizes: russiandirectionerandbelieber: a-cidlife: vans-supr...

Tue, 12 Feb 2013 10:29:14 -0500

memorizes:

russiandirectionerandbelieber:

a-cidlife:

vans-supreme:

exhele:

dysphorism:

princess-margaret:

yourblazesburn:

osteogenesis-imperfecta:

straightinatbella:

thatmissunderstoodkid:

frank-1e:

okleave:

reblog and make a wish

this is my second time reblogging and my first wish came true so

i have to

why not

i did this a few days ago and it also came true, i was freaked out like fuck

hmmmmmmmmmmmm

here goes nothing

well lets see

love this

i remember a few months ago, wishing that my crush would like me back on this post

and now he’s my bf

..WISHING AGAIN. YAY

you :(

Not going to lie, I made a wish when I reblogged this this morning, and my wish came true an hour ago.

1 million notes omfg

JESUS ASS CRACKERS.

Sat, 15 Dec 2012 13:39:00 -0500

I just simply hate socializing. I do.

It is by far the most stressful process of my life. There is nothing about it that brings me comfort. Just a big ball of stress that manifests itself in lame jokes, and racial tirades. And the occasional weeping, but that one’s a secret that no one knows about.

It’s such a simple process, too. You talk to people. You listen to their bull shit stories. You relate to their bullshit stories, and maybe you tell a bullshit story of your own. Then you open up after a bunch of bullshitting, and success. You now have a friend.

Okay, so it’s probably way more complicated than that, but still that’s the image of socializing as it exists in my brain.

I can do well at socializing, which is the most annoying part. Even when I perform admirably, it’s still the most fucking stressful thing that I deal with in my life.

If someone doesn’t respond to a text, I get stressed. Why? Because instantly the first thing I think is that I’m being ignored, or the person has better things to do. Being low on a list of priorities is stressful.

Trying to talk to someone, or send them a text is stressful as well. Why is this? Well, the biggest fear is that I’m the guy that strikes up conversation with nothing to say. That’s pretty stressful, and awkward. Stress.

The best part is when I’m doing well at conversation. Why is this stressful? Well, as has been the pattern in NYC, I converse extremely well with the attractive women in my class. The stressful part comes in when I do extremely well, and I do nothing with it. There is an extremely attractive girl in my class who drunkenly told me we should get drinks together sometime. Another person I was there with thought it was a group thing, and this girl just snapped and said, “WHO INVITED YOU?!”

That’s stressful because there’s two ways to look at it. She’s being funny, or she legitimately shows interest in me. This is also stressful because I can never fucking tell and the most that ever happens is that I say I’m going to do something, and then I don’t do it. Because it’s so fucking stressful.

No matter what I do, every conversation begins and ends with an intense amount of stress for me, and I rarely, if ever, improve on it. I could act on the impulse to get drinks with said girl, but then insert all of the above stress and suddenly it’s not a very exciting choice.

It’s just nice to know that the only thing I seem to feel from one of the most important aspects of life is an intense amount of stress.

So this is why I don’t communicate too often. It’s just stress. It’s synonymous for stress. Even when I deign not to do it, it’s stressful. Just sitting here typing about it is causing hair to fall out. I don’t even know what to do to make it better, but silencing my brain with pointless video games always seems to do the trick.

keyboardsmashwriters: orangemuses: hogswatch: if you’re ever having problems with a boy just...

Fri, 14 Dec 2012 13:49:20 -0500

keyboardsmashwriters:

orangemuses:

hogswatch:

if you’re ever having problems with a boy just remember that at least he never converted his entire country to protestantism just to break up with you

oh my fucking god

Why the depressed brain gotta be black, huh?

Wed, 12 Dec 2012 13:37:15 -0500

Why the depressed brain gotta be black, huh?

HOLY HELL

Wed, 28 Nov 2012 13:32:19 -0500

It has been a long, interesting two months.

Is that only how long I’ve been gone? It sure doesn’t feel like it. It feels like I’ve been here enough eternities to kill a whole family of trees.

I’ve learned a lot of things, and I’ve learned to hate a lot of things as well.

For one, I’ve learned to hate the style of teaching acting. It’s bullshit to ever assume there is a correct way to act. It is also bullshit to assume that you can just walk on a stage and be an amazing actor, but to ever assume that one method is the method, and anyone that deviates from it is a terrible actor, is a fucking retarded notion, and it’s contradictory to the concept of keeping an open mind. Fuck that noise. I appreciate learning a new possible approach to attaching myself to a character, but to act like that’s the only way to professionally act is fucking absurd and elitist.

My Mask teacher said never forget to play in a play, because that’s what they’re called. I now have sexual fantasies about my Mask teacher.

She’s actually pretty hot. And Canadian. Lotta fuckin’ Canadian teachers there.

But that’s the end of my rant on how much I dislike my teacher’s style of teaching. Love her to death, she’s a nice person, and I am learning something from her, but some aspects of her teaching are confusing, counterproductive, and downright outdated.

Now then, on to the positives. Sort of. Not really, mostly complaining about how god damn sad I am.

My scenes involve me personalizing a lot, and my teacher is very good at picking scenes that fit me well. As a result, I’m attaching fond memories to my scenes in order to make my lines personalized.

Then I realized that a lot of my fond memories are fairly recent.

Then I realize how god damn much I miss home right now.

I have less than 4 weeks until I get to go home, and I’m fucking around with scene work. It’s tough to focus on this when I know that I can cure my homesickness in 3 weeks.

I sort of regret moving so far away from home, because you can’t just cut yourself off from your family in such an extreme manner too early. It takes weening. I essentially made it impossible for me to visit my family or friends every so often, because I’m the kid with a poor family, and in this circumstance, I’d have to purchase a $200 train ticket to go anywhere.

It just really sucks to not be able to visit people. I can play games, skype chat, whatever. But that leaves room for me to be horribly distracted, and I don’t communicate very well when I’m horribly distracted.

I don’t know where I was going with this. It’s nice that I’m getting more emotionally involved with my scenes, but fuck’s sake, it is making me more and more homesick.

I wanna see my family.

I wanna see my friends.

I wanna pet my cats.

I wanna get out of this noisy fucking place for more than an afternoon.

Yea, I’m missing New Year’s in NYC, but this city is so god damn overrated when you live here. I loved driving to work every day, because there was just a wonderful stretch of green on every road. FOR MILES. Nature, everywhere. Prices, fairly low. Alcohol, very reasonably priced.

Here you better have at least 4 or 5 souls you’re willing to sell, because you’re going to be doing a shit ton of soul selling if you wanna live here.

I do appreciate the friends I’ve made here, and I’ve made some wonderful friends, but me being me, I can’t forget about the ones I have back home.

THUS ENDS ME BEING WORDY. ENJOY YOUR DAY, OR I’LL RAIN HELLFIRE UPON THY BOSOM.

HOLY FUCK

Thu, 22 Nov 2012 01:09:18 -0500

I’m extremely homesick tonight.

I miss my family.

I miss my cats.

I miss my friends.

I’ve made some pretty decent ones here in New York, but holy fuck do I miss the people I could just hang with.

I’ve heard enough, “I HAVE DONE SO MUCH STUDYING OF ACTING TECHNIQUE OMG HOW AM I NOT GOOD??” conversations to last me a lifetime.

I would love to have non-pretentious conversations about acting.

Most of all, I’d love to have a week home before break. Anything. The city is overrated, and I wouldn’t recommend living here unless you want your soul to die.

One more, you say? Ok, I guess I can give you what you want. For...

Sun, 04 Nov 2012 20:15:22 -0500

One more, you say? Ok, I guess I can give you what you want. For a fee.

A FEE OF NOTHING.

What’s that? More dogs? Ok.

Sun, 04 Nov 2012 20:14:02 -0500

What’s that? More dogs? Ok.

YOU LIKE DOGS?

Sun, 04 Nov 2012 20:12:57 -0500

YOU LIKE DOGS?

zombres: #i have no idea what is going on but an attractive...

Sun, 04 Nov 2012 16:05:27 -0500

zombres:

#i have no idea what is going on but an attractive beardy fellow in suspenders is offering me a french kitten #so okay

thattechnique: Gravity Falls theme - Silent Hill vers.

Sun, 04 Nov 2012 16:05:26 -0500

thattechnique:

Gravity Falls theme - Silent Hill vers.

wolfstar-thunderfrost: queenofadodi: cap-out-of-time: schwoozi...

Sun, 04 Nov 2012 16:05:23 -0500

wolfstar-thunderfrost:

queenofadodi:

cap-out-of-time:

schwoozie:

[x]

ooc: Reblogging because holy shit.

Shit is real. O_O

DAMN! I don’t care if I already reblogged this, but this is too badass not to reblog.

Photo

Sun, 04 Nov 2012 16:05:21 -0500

saddeer: if you have a crush on me please let me know immediately

Sun, 04 Nov 2012 16:05:20 -0500

saddeer:

if you have a crush on me please let me know immediately

funkmymonkey: yeahrockme: when you reblog something and then someone who follows you reblogs the...

Sun, 04 Nov 2012 16:05:18 -0500

funkmymonkey:

yeahrockme:

when you reblog something and then someone who follows you reblogs the same thing but not from you

omg i silently complain about this in my head every single fucking day